Do I consider baby girls as much of a blessing as baby boys? Do I acknowledge that it is the decision of Allah?
Alhamdulillah I do consider baby girls as much of a blessing as baby boys. I also acknowledge that it is the decision of Allah.
In fact in my family , I’ve noticed that girls have a greater attachment with their fathers. My sisters often tell me that my dad loves me more. When my brother in law found out that his second child was also a girl, he was even happier that the baby was a girl and not a boy. When my brother found out that his second child was also a girl, he was happy and tried comforting my sister-in-law (who was upset that she was having another girl), telling her that this was the decision of Allah.
A reason why my siblings would want a nephew or my parents would want a grandson would be because we don’t have one already. That would be the ONLY reason.
I also think that for people from my village (and Baluchs), having a girl is not considered a huge burden as is in other tribes etc, because when a girl gets married she doesn‘t have to bring the dowry to her husbands. The groom has to bear almost all the expenses. Girls also help out their mothers in the house chores. Boys would still be considered a blessing because they would be a source of income for the family.
There is however a lot of discrimination when it comes to boys and girls, and this is also prevalent in my family. Like for instance, parents send their sons abroad for studies but in cases of girls there’s always that common reaction : “Because you‘re a girl” or “You can go after you get married.”
I think in a way its justified because girls usually end up not working , but it would still be considered discrimination.
Another reason why people would want a boy is mainly due to the fact that they already have a lot of daughters. So in a family in which there is a boy born after , for example, 4 girls, it is considered a great blessing BUT the same would also go for a family in which there are a lot of boys and in which a baby girl is born after a long time.
However be it a boy or a girl, they’re both blessings from Allah. Just having a child is a blessing from Allah. It should also be considered a GREAT blessing that Allah Himself is deciding whether a child is to be a boy or a girl and that we nor anyone else is making that decision.
A Student of the Quran
Recently, after an incident, I began to think about what are the reasons people generally want to have male children.
Usually people want to have an heir to whatever they have earned in their lifetime. And, without sons, their property will be divided amongst other family members if they have no sons. Another reason is that they are always afraid of the huge sums of money that will be spent on their daughter’s dowry.
What people need to realize is that Allah is the Provider, and He can provide for whoever He wants, as much as He
wants. He can take away their wealth even while they are alive. And after one’s death, one will not be concerned about
how the property is distributed, all of it will be left behind and s/he will only be concerned about their own outcome in
akhira. Also, the practice of giving huge amounts of dowry, often by taking loans etc, should be abolished. One should not go beyond one’s means for such things. Usually people do this out of social pressure, but they should be reminded that after marriage it is the husband’s duty to provide for the wife.
Why don’t people who practice female infanticide ponder upon the fact that if they kill all their females, who will bear their children? Allah says in Ayah 72 of Surah Nahl that He brings forth the people’s sons and grandsons from their female spouses! This is a miracle of life from Allah.Daughters have been called a mercy from Allah, and we learn from ahadeeth that whoever raises two or more daughters well, and treats them, well they will be a source of salvation for them on the Day of Judgment. Rasool Allah SAW had four daughters, and he treated them extremely well, without ever being harsh or rude to them. He was always extremely kind to them. Women are naturally more caring, and gentle, in order to be well suited for motherhood, and therefore are also more sensitive to their own parent’s needs, especially in their old age. It is mostly women who end up looking after their parents, and still people value their sons more. It is an unfortunate state for society, reminiscent of the times of jahiliyya. We should accept that children are from Allah, and be happy with whatever He chooses for us. We ourselves are daughters, and we should be grateful to Allah that we were born to parents who value us.
My first child was a baby girl. Of course the world rejoices at the first child and does not really react to what gender the baby is. Alhumdulillah, my second child was a baby girl also. And the world said – oh, it would have been better had it been a boy! Personally, I was very happy the other was a girl also because I felt that a girl always needs a sister. Honestly, I didn’t even feel that my other child was a girl also. Even my own mother’s reaction amazed me! But this is duniya.
I am an only child so the joy of the thought that my children will have each other to share their lives with was too overwhelming.
My third pregnancy was again a discussion point for the world. And everybody’s curiosity of whether I got the ultrasound done or not was interesting to note. It just amazed me how the world reacted to the essentials of having a boy. It was almost as if it was a mandatory thing in life. Of course I got several dua for a boy. When it turned out to be a boy, the world rejoiced! I amuse at their reaction. I never could understand why we are so boy-obsessed in this culture. We put boys high up on pedestals and put our girls down? Why?
Another phrase that really bothers me and is used very often is : Oh family complete is now complete with the birth of a boy! I want to tell these people – family is complete with a husband and wife and even one child if Allah blesses them with it. Children are blessing from Allah whether boy or girl. I believe that. Alhdumdulillah that Allah has given me both naimahs and I pray for those who do not have either one sex of babies to have the other also not because it is a must for one to have each, but Allah has put differences in both genders and raising these blessings is a completely unique experience.
With these blessings, my job is not done. So Allah has given me these blessings and they are born and that is that. Of course, now that Allah has given me blessings, I have to show my gratitude by thanking Allah. I have to find ways to provide for these children an environment that helps in deen and duniya. I have to pray for them as a mother. I have the responsibility of teaching them and making them the assets in way of deen inshallah. When I do this, only then will I have fully taken them as blessings from Allah.