How patient am I? Do I have enough patience to gain knowledge? Do I have the determination that Musa (AS) showed on his journey?
Patience unfortunately in daily life is lacking for me. When I recite the dua: Allahuma afrigh alaiyna sabraun…in salah, I sincerely put my heart into this because of the dire need for it. The concept of ujlah vs patience hits home for sure and alhumdulillah for its recognition. For the acquisition of ilm, alhumdulillah I am learning to be patient.
Initially, this course seemed like a not so doable thing practically. This or any other project seems difficult mainly because we lack the determination for it. Doubts are created: How can we go through the entire Quran ayah by ayah and we think: maybe I will just go through my English translation once more at home. Or I have done half of it, maybe I can do the rest on my own.
We lack the determination but we also lack the tawakkul of Allah. We underestimate the help of Allah but we do this because we are not connected with Allah. As soon as we embark on any journey or undertake any big project whether it be of quest for ilm of deen or otherwise, we need to trust Allah that Allah will make it easy. We learn to trust in Allah over and over again in Surah Kahf and the examples cited in it. They are the reminders. And of course when setting out to study the word of Allah, how can Allah not help us. Also the fact as mentioned by our Islamic Heroes teacher: that the month of Ramadan made the study of the Quran so much better. Subhanallah.
I remind myself of the hadith ever so often: Allah says:
If the servant draws near to Me a hand span, I draw near to him an arm’s length; and if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I come to him running. Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
We do need to, however, note the case is the same in deen or duniya: the condition being – the person has to take the first step to move further and succeed.
I don’t consider myself to be a patient person, because I get frustrated very easily. I know that knowledge only comes with time, and when Allah SWT thinks its best for us, and it is not possible to know everything all at once. I also understand that one person cannot have knowledge of everything.
One of my greatest weaknesses is shyness, even though I know the hadith related to shyness and arrogance. I think about a question, but then start second guessing about whether it is really important, whereas I should understand that if it is not important then the teacher will tell me so. I try to make sincere du’a to Allah to guide me to what is right, because sometimes one encounters so many different view points and doesn’t know which one is right. Of course we have to follow what is present in hadith and Sunnah, but people have different interpretations and derive different answers from them. This is when I feel most doubtful and lost, i.e. when shown different view points, because of course I don’t want to end up following the wrong one. I don’t think I have the determination of Musa (as) as I am someone who gives up quickly. I do however make an active effort to question and try to understand now, even though it is not something that comes easily.