بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ
وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ
“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good].”
[Al-Qur’an-Surah Fussilat (Explained in Detail)” : 34-35]
When I am hurt by someone’s actions or words, I tend to think about it over and over again and unfortunately this only increases my distress. I begin to consider myself as the one who has been wronged – the victim. I free myself from any blame while placing the blame largely on the other person.
I get hurt quite easily as well. I jump to conclusions and make all sorts of suppositions, such as thinking the other person just doesn’t like me or doesn’t appreciate me and what I do.
Generally, I don’t communicate with others when I am hurt. I bottle up everything inside, until a time comes when it bursts out and I end up lashing out for the wrong reason or at the wrong person. This then becomes displaced anger and causes more harm than benefit.
When I feel this way, the first thing to do is to analyze whether or not I am really innocent in that situation. Could I have done something that may have upset the other person? Have I considered the situation from their point of view? Have I, perhaps, been the one who has done the injustice?
It is unhealthy and also unfair to always think of oneself as the victim and everyone else as oppressive.
When I feel unappreciated, I should ask myself, do I appreciate others? Am I the only one doing ihsaan (utmost good) while everyone else is just doing their duty?
Also, upon being upset with someone, I should remind myself of all the khair (good) that has come to me from that person which, if nothing else, may only be lessons in patience.
Lastly, it is important to forgive the person who has wronged me, hoping that perhaps this will be a reason for Allah (سبحانه وتعالى ) forgiving me. It is important to communicate how you feel to the person whom you think has wronged you but in a gentle and respectful way. If one does not communicate, one may end up being the dhaalim (wrongdoer) by lashing out at some other time or at another person.
May Allah (سبحانه وتعالى ) grant us the wisdom to attain excellence in our dealings with others. Ameen.